Well folks, totally sorry to start the blog off with depressing fodder, but before you all decide to check out of reality by smoking illicit drugs and buying a porn family to live next door, I wanted to clue you in to this key life lesson.
The thing is, this should actually be a consolation to us all, because it's in the same family of common values that we all share as civilized human beings. You know, like in the same category as "breathing", "paying taxes", or my personal favorite, "diarrhea".
Marriage, as I've learned, does not symbolize the end of dating; rather, it's simply the culmination of the decision to seek out building a future with another person. When you walk down that aisle, palms sweating and hoping you do not fall flat on your face in front of 116 people and a giant re-creation of a Tyrannosaurus Rex, you are saying, "This is who I've chosen to build a future with," not, "Huzzah! I was just issued a license to be socially inept for the rest of time. Peace!"
A few months ago, I decided I wanted to expand my friend base and add some new friends to my life. So I went down the very long mental list of "Acquaintances I Wish I Spent More Time With" and selected a girl friend who I had a lot in common with professionally, but also enjoyed bantering with personally. I was a woman on a mission, and with great intentions. I wanted this girl to like me. I wanted to like her. I wanted us to be the kind of friends who, after our first "date", would start emailing one another hilarious YouTube videos and posting on each other's Facebook walls with inside jokes that made us giggle like small children. I wanted her on the invite list at the baby shower for my future unborn child (FUC), I really did. And while the dinner was nice and we had a good time, I couldn't help but wonder if we had the right kind of chemistry to become really solid friends. Where was this going? Was she really an acquaintance disguised as a potentially good friend? Did I just want to hook up with her and sneak out before there was the chance to discuss a "next time"? Why doesn't the dating ever end?
My better half is always looking for new friends for us. "Couple friends", he calls them. Now now, non-couples, there's no need to get up in arms, because I will address how single friends and couple friends can all be friends - because we can!, but for now all you really need to know is that if you're married, you really do need both. Anywho, after every "date" - without fail - we find ourselves assessing the potential. Did we have enough to talk about? Did we have similar interests? (In our case, interests include food, movies, and sarcasm.) Was one party "carrying" their significant other/partner/spouse with their charm? Did we see ourselves vacationing with these people? Celebrating birthdays for years to come?
My friend is 8 months pregnant and looking for day care centers for her FUC*. She spent hours upon hours going to every day care facility in metro Atlanta, interviewing the employees (and in turn, being interviewed herself by employees, because apparently day care can be very selective - this now solves the mystery for me as to why Octomom and Charlie Sheen do not have a day care) and trying to figure out which would be the best fit for this tiny little alien who doesn't even have a discernable personality yet. Talk about a tough dating situation!
*While technically, she has a FUC, she is already pregnant with said child, so it's basically a FUC Knowingly End Dated. I'm a stickler for accuracy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, we're humans who have an inherent need to be liked, to feel simpatico to someone or something else, to belong. And we all have our own set of criteria that we need to fulfill. At best, we're overjoyed when we click; at worst, we're hurt when the phone ceases to ring or we're simply told it's not going to work out. Life is a series of trying on outfits and finding the right fit, and it serves to build character, to give us perspective, to make us appreciate what we have when we find something good.
Wish I could say the same for "diarrhea".
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